We’ve all been in a place in our lives where we might not be happy with the choices we made or felt like we could do better. Making mistakes is a part of being human and I have had plenty in my lifetime. But what happens when the mistakes become repetitive patterns and the are continuously holding you back? In the past I believed self denial was as simple as not admitting that an issue was even a valid concern. Having an eating disorder was one of those issues that I had a hard time admitting to. What I believe now is that self denial is an act of denying ourselves from feeling joy, bliss, peace, or love.
We are deserving of all the goodness that life brings, so powerful that we got ourselves into this lifetime on this planet. We’re so worthy of all our desires in life and those juicy feelings that come with those desires. Denying ourself from living is just not acceptable.
Self denial is a sabotaging pattern we ignore that keeps us away from begin fulfilled, therefore denying ourselves of what is truly meant for us.
What’s actually happening is more about what we are denying ourselves of instead of denying the issue at hand. For example, one may wonder why they continue to drink heavily or use drugs and the answer is to numb the pain, therefore the numbing takes away from feeling joy, or denying yourself the ability to feel joy. In this situation there is fear for some reason that one cannot experience joy without pain, likely related to a past experience. Here’s a simple formula to see what you’re denying yourself of and how to heal the issue at hand to experience the bliss you deserve.
1. Ask yourself WHAT is the pattern you know is holding you back? Here are some examples:
Eating disorders = Being in control
Addiction = Numbing pain
Sex = Needing Self love or Acceptance
Shopping = Something is missing in life
Staying in abusive relationship = Not feeling good enough
Obesity = Protection
Financial issues = Not valuing yourself
2. When did this become an issue and WHY?
I had eating disorders in part because of growing up with instability, poverty, and fear (related to being sexually abused) so felt I had no control over my life and the outcome, no matter what I planned.
3. What do you WANT to feel once the issue is resolved and what is it taking away from?
If you put in your body all good things and didn’t fear being helpless, wouldn’t you feel in control and like the power is in your hands? Pride is a wonderful feeling! You must get really clear on what you really want to feel so much that the desire to feel it is stronger than the current situation you’re dealing with. It’s taking away from actually being in control and that’s what you’re trying to resolve in the first place.
4. FOCUS on the outcome.
What we focus on expands in every form. If you are constantly focusing on the issue instead of the outcome you will continue to deal with the issue. Write out what will be different when you have the joy of the outcome. What will you be doing differently? How will you act? What will change in your life? Focus on all the positive that will be unfolding for you when you stop denying yourself from feeling it.
5. Remember you have the power to CHOOSE.
We are capable of practically anything once we have our mindset right. It will always come back to what you choose to believe so once you have your head straight, personal power reigns. Use a simple affirmation such as “I choose joy” as often as possible.
What is the issue? Why is it an issue and what is is taking away from? What do you want to feel instead? Focus all efforts on the outcome. Remember you have the power to choose. Our bodies can heal themselves, our past has no power over us, and miracles are around us all the time if we’re looking for them.
We’re not here to suffer and struggle.
Self denial is the choice of denying yourself the joy you were born to experience. Sometimes we just need to go within to explore why we’re denying ourselves of the goodness that comes with breaking our old patterns. What we focus on expands so keep your mind’s eye on the feeling you desire and your power to choose.